Trigger
by bensonlove
Summary: Bensidy. Set during Psycho Therapist. Elaboration of short-lived scene in episode.


Trigger

Olivia put her bags down on the counter. She realized she didn't quite remember how she got home from the bodega. She does, however, remember seeing Lewis' face around every corner. She was on edge. The trial was getting to her.

Here she was, an experience sex crimes detective for 15 years, and she couldn't take her own advice she had told to hundreds of survivors over the years. She couldn't stomach the reality of having to lie under oath. That was her badge, her honor, her pride, her work on the line. But at the same time, her sanity and possible life were on the line as well.

If Lewis were to walk again, she wasn't sure how she would cope. She was already doubting her faith in the judicial system, and if her attacker were to walk free, what would be the point to continue and insist that victims endure pointless traumatization and humiliation?

She began to unpack the bags she had brought in and that's when she heard it. The door to her apartment opened and closed, and then nothing—silence. She'd be damned if she was caught off guard again. She drew her gun and pulled the pin back. Footsteps. Her heart raced, her hands began to shake. She quietly stepped around to the threshold, drawing her gun on the intruder.

Brian came around the corner, met with her gun in his face. He put his hands up and saw the glazed look in her eyes. He knew he had to talk her down quickly, "Hey! Liv! Its me!"

Her head was spinning as she came back to reality to recognize the terrified look on her lover's face. She began to shake as he reached to take her gun, "Here, give me this."

She immediately felt terrible for endangering him. He saw the look of pain and guilt on her face. All she could manage was to repeat apologetic words.

"I'm sorry, Brian. I'm so sorry."

His heart broke for her and he moved hesitantly to pull her into him, "Hey, it's alright. It's okay, Liv. Come here. It's okay."

She wrapped herself around him and clung to him for life. Brian held onto her as if his embrace would hold her together and keep her from falling apart in their threshold. His hand came around to cradle her head and she fell deeper into his embrace, her arms holding onto him—one around his neck, the other wrapped under his arm and over the top of his shoulder.

And then he felt it. She began to shake violently as her sobs wracked her body. He held her closer, gently rocking them both side to side. He stroked her hair and whispered soothing words into her ear. He planted kisses to the side of her head and continued to just hold her. He backed them up to the wall, his back against it, and slid them down to the floor, pulling her down with him. She sat between his legs, hers wrapped around his waist with her arms still gripping to him.

They stayed there in each other's embrace for a while, until he felt her breathing even back out and her body cease its violent trembling. He gently pulled back from her, taking her face in his hands and kissing her forehead. Her eyes remained closed as he wiped the tears from her face and moved her hair from her eyes. She leaned her head into his hands, holding onto his forearms.

He stood and reached his hand out for her to take, "Come on, Liv."

He led her into their bathroom. She put the toilet seat down and sat herself down as Brian drew a bath for her, gathering candles and lighting them, checking the temperature of the water, and then adding chamomile and lavender bath oils to the tub. He shut off the water and then turned to reach for her.

"Come here," he said and she reached out to take his hand. He gently undressed her, and she let him. She was so emotionally and mentally drained, her physical fatigue had caught up with her. He kissed her head and gave her a small smile.

"Relax, take your time, I'll have you something to eat when you get out." Brian turned to leave her be, but she caught his hand before he could go. The pained look on her face told him she didn't want to be alone.

"Stay with me," her voice was barely audible, a heart-wrenching sound to his ears. He would have done whatever she asked, if only it meant he could take away some of her pain.

The two of them sat in the calming atmosphere of their large tub until the water ran cold—her back against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around her. There weren't many words exchanged, neither one of them knew what to say, but they both knew that they needed each other's comfort in that moment.

When they got out of the tub, they both toweled off and dressed in their pajamas. She had calmed down, but still just needed to feel him. He grounded her to reality, kept her present and aware of the good in her life when things seemed to be going so wrong. His back was to her in their bedroom. She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his back. He wrapped his arms over hers, pulling her closer to him. He turned around to face her, his fingers running through her hair, looking into her eyes. He saw the tears begin to gloss her eyes, and he tenderly touched his lips to hers.

Both of them stood there, eyes closed, foreheads touching, just breathing one another in. Brian led them to their bed, climbing in and holding the duvet up, patting next to him for her to come close. She curled into him, he covered them both and held her close.

"We'll get through this, Olivia. You and me." He spoke to her in hushed whispers through the dark, once again kissing her head. She melted into his touch and allowed herself to succumb to sleep.


End file.
